It’s a big day for lesbians here at the Cannes Film Festival. Your favorite girl in stan red is fully hydrated and got 7 hours of sleep (ish), and my caffeine intake might even slowly return to normal (my fingers crossed). But of course, even more importantly, the first films of the festival featuring gay couples are previewed right next to each other tonight! (No, I’m not counting Matt Damon’s because of Abigail Breslin’s earrings. I won’t be answering questions right now) I’ve had my fill of ‘misunderstood’ male artists anyway. and one-dimensional women, and I’m ready for some gay content.
(in the voice of the narrator SpongeBob SquarePants) Twelve hours later.
Well I’m debriefing you after the movie about gay nuns, and I have to say – I thought I was here for the performance, not the lesbian porn of a straight man. Obviously, I was wrong: find out more here.
Sadly, “Benedetta” was only the first of the homophobic incidents of the past two days. I woke up the next day to another parody: a theater which, unbeknownst to me, was 20 minutes by bus from the Palace. As you can probably guess, it was a bit too much to ask your favorite transport-struggling lesbian, and I started taking not one, but two incorrect buses that landed me way outside the city of Cannes. (It’s the “homosexual curse,” as Wes Anderson eloquently puts it in “The French Dispatch.”) As I waited by a seemingly broken-down bus, I was approached in a way. rather belligerent by an old man who took the opportunity to recite every English word he knew, in no particular order, to the “tourist” (his favorite) clad in a velvet jumpsuit in the middle of the afternoon. A beautiful moment.
On the plus side, I wasn’t ready to brave the comeback right away, so I wrote a full review while sitting on the asphalt in a parking lot.
Once back at the Palais, I got ready for the second lesbian event of the festival: “La Fracture” by Catherine Corsini. This one was at least done by a queer woman, who certainly seemed to know she was hiding around a toxic and codependent lesbian couple. But the film had its own issues – and Julie and Raf would have to go their separate ways.
So at the end of the day, it looks like it wasn’t such a great day for lesbians after all. Guess I’ll have to write my own lesbian nuns movie!